fragilex mom blog

Okay its Friday, made it through another week. I went and got my blood work done this morning. I need to go get Dannys blood pressure medicine later. Darn wish I had thought about that when I was out earlier. It has been a pretty boring day. I should be folding clothes but just as I was about to the UPS guy brought me my wildflower seeds. They are fast I just ordered them a couple of nights ago. I guess I will plant them this weekend. I hope we get some rain soon.
The zone is such a mess with everyone fighting. I hate it. I wish it could be like it used to be. It was so much fun. I`m going to go fold those clothes now.

It is so nice out. It is 59 degrees. After 103 yesterday it is so refreshing. I actually have on jeans and socks. I think I will take Ernie for a walk. I can`t take Cookie because of her asthma or narrow trachea or what ever she has. I need to water my flowers first. All the thunderstorms missed us again. Well I didn`t get my lab work done yet. I keep putting it off. I will have to go in the morning. I need to call in Dannys script, he took his last pill this morning. Okay I`m going to get busy. I need to clean the bathroom too and there is laundry to fold of course. I also need to get some potting soil so I can repot some plants. Mom loved the banana pudding I made. God it is so good.

I am so sleepy!!! Ken over slept today and Danny missed the bus. He stayed home today. I bought mom some cigarette snuffers so hopefully she won`t start anymore fires. I ordered my wildflower seed last night. It was 103 today. We are supposed to be getting a cool front and temp might be in 50`s tomorrow night. We were supposed to get rain but of course it missed us again. Ok I am going to bed now.

I went to Dr.Hoffman yesterday. My blood pressure is down. I asked if maybe it was because I had stopped taking the celebrex. He said that was interesting and might be. I went a head and got a script for celebrex anyway because the arthritis in my neck is killing me. I have been taking half tabs of darvaset for the pain. Dr. Hoffman talked to me for 30 minutes. He is so sweet. We talked about fragile x. He has been keeping up with his journals which is nice to know. I didn`t have my lab work yesterday since I was drinking the night before. I was supposed to have it done today but last night I fell asleep before I took my meds. I`ll do it tomorrow.
Mom went to her dr. yesterday. She weighs 92 pounds which isn`t good. I need to go over and help her take a shower today. We are going to hire someone to stay with her while Terry is at work.

I watched CRASH today. It was a good movie. I`ve seen several good movies lately. I watched SOMEBODY UP THERE LIKES ME with Paul Newman the other day. It was really good. And I watched WEST SIDE STORY the other day too. Had a nice cuddle with Ken :) Now just very relaxed! Think I`ll fix burgers and tots for dinner. Ken is a tothead I`d rather have fries but if tots make him happy , we will have tots.
It is so hot here! Damn dome of high pressure is right over us and won`t move. I love summer but enough is enough!!!
I go to the doctor tomorrow. I might ask for a referal to a shrink. I need some ritalin or adderal. I am sick of all my pervasive thinking. I get stuck ...same damn thoughts over and over making me nuts. I can barely stand to take a shower some times. I play the same shit over and over in my head. Wish I had time for a nervous break down but I don`t. Have Danny and Mom to take care of.Maybe next year ?
Ok I`m gonna have a nacho with lots of peppers maybe that will help.

I`m beat! Terry called said the fire department was at moms.I went over there. Two transformers had blown out and the power went off. When Terry went in moms room it was full of smoke. He thought it was electrical and called 911. Well it had been a slow day so a cop went , 3 firetrucks and the fire marshall. Turned out that it was not electrical at all. Mom had dumped her ashtray in her trash can and the cigarette wasn`t out. Luckily it was a metal trash can and it was just smoldering not flaming. After the fire trucks left I brought her over to my house and put her in my little room. I ordered chinese food and she ate like a little pig. I also made a cake and she had a piece of it and I sent some home with her. Her power was back on around 7:30 so I took her home.
I also mowed the front yard this morning and watered the flowers. We got rain for about 5 minutes. God we need rain. I am going to try to sleep in the morning. Last night I finally got to sleep and Greg came over and I woke up. Then I woke up later having a bad asthma attack. Man I hate when I have one when I`m sleeping. I jumped right out of bed. I finally got a couple breathes and found my inhaler. I hope I don`t have one tonight.

The caddie I got for my 30th birthday. Needless to say I`ve had it awhile. Makes a good place to throw stuff. She really needs a paint job. Maybe if Ken sells his BMW I`ll get one. 

My expanded flowerbed filled in pretty good.  

Flowers are trying to hang on through the heat but the grasshoppers are eating the morning glories. 

broken kitty froms moms I glued together , I put it on Shirley`s grave...well close to it anyway  

morning after Rita , we aren`t even going to get rain  

By Billy Joe Shaver

I can`t take it anymore
You`re too much for me
Go find someone new
Just let me be
You got places to go
And people to see
Leave while you can don`t worry about me

I got a few precious friends
And a measure of pride
I can live without you
Yes, I will survive
Have fun with yourself
Be wild and free
I can`t take anymore
You`re too much for me

In my life and time
I`ve been such a fool
I gave all I had
To people like you
I got work I must do
And debts I must pay
I got a reason to live
I can`t throw life away

I got a few precious friends
And a measure of pride
I can live without you
Yes, I will survive
Have fun with yourself
Be wild and free
I can`t take anymore
You`re too much for me


I can`t take anymore
You`re too much for me

forced smile ...yuk 

I feel like I have been cossumed by a huge black hole. I hate when i get all pscho babble with myself. I Analyze myself and just get more depressed. I feel so full of remorse or maybe its just self pity. I`m really not sure. Damaged goods unworthy of being loved, unable to love myself. Lol I really should work on that. Maybe 20 more years of therapy. I think it is impossible to change a lifetime of thoughs. Of course I don`t feel suicidal but if by chance I were to lose everything like those poor hurricane victims I wouldn`t hesitate to kill myself. If i lost my family and home I`d just check myself out to that big howard johnsons in the clouds.

Danny and Frankie went to Goodwill and Danny bought scooby doo in an airplane. I just put batteries in it and its really cute. The propeller spins and it goes in circles and lights flash.
I made mom a stouffers stuffed pepper and she actually ate the whole thing. She ate some banana bread too. I need to get her to take a shower tomorrow. Danny is going to stay home tomorrow. His teacher is going to be gone and its pep rally day. He really doesn`t want to go so I am going to let him stay home. Shanna his case manager from MHMR is coming for her visit tomorrow. I got a note about Danny having an OT eval. They are screwing around on this and I`m getting pissed. He is doing well in school so far this year though so I am pretty happy. I really like his teacher. Karen is still his home trainer so I get all the inside scoop on everything too. Angela his teacher writes good notes everyday so I can`t complain except for the trouble with OT.

I am tired! I stayed up too late last night and had weird dreams. Emotionally I`m feeling drained and sad. I have no idea what to feed Mother tonight. She doesn`t want to eat anything really. I have slacked off all day. Well I did repot some plants and watered. It`s so hot I`m really ready for a change of weather. We are supposed to get rain from the hurricane. Danny should be home soon and Frankie comes today. I need to go get some cigs when she gets here. I did make Danny and Ken a good breakfast today so I did something right. Okay I`m going to get busy and walk on the treadmill. I`ll try to write more later if I have anything to write : (

It has been a busy week so far. Saturday I took Maisey to be groomed for Mom. She really looks good!!! She looks so much younger. They did a sprniger clip and did a great job. Saturday night we played dominos. I also mowed the backyard Saturday and lost that darn little piece out of the weededeater. I`ve been looking for it everyday but it is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Sunday was pretty uneventfull. Yesterday i took the pugs to the vet. Cookie has and infection :( and both of them have ear mites again. I bought mom some flowers and a pie. She likes pie. May not be the most healthy thing to eat but at least she eats it. When i went over to her house last night the dog across the street was out in his front yard and her next door neighbor was taking his 2 dogs to the park with no leashes on them. Man that pisses me off. That is why mom fell because of some lose dog. I need to give Cookie her pill and take a shower. I`ll try to get back in the habit of writting more often.

Peach pie from my homegrown peaches. I cheated on the crust though and bought it. And half price carnations from WalMart. 

Okay I have been exhausted! I feel much better right now. I got a lot of sleep finally. I really needed it. I am still taking mom dinner every night and going over when she calls. Thank God I live so close. I also finally made doctors appointments for Danny and me. I go the 25th for a recheck with Dr. Hoffman. Danny goes Oct.20 for a physical and I`m freaked out because the shrink wants blood work. I wish I had some valium for him and me for that visit..lol. Won`t do much for him but it might help me. I guess I`ll call Shana and see if I get Frankie to go with me and Ken of course will have to go. Mom is supposed to start therapy sometime but I`m not sure when. They will coming to her house thank goodness. I also made a vet appointment. The pugs go Monday. Now I need to make an appointment for moms dog to be groomed. Okay I`m going to get back to work. I need to clean house.

Well it`s been a busy week. I have been going to Moms everyday and helping her. I have been taking her dinner every night. Tommy left Tuesday morning. I can`t say I was sorry tosee him leave. Danny didn`t have the best week at school. He kicked a kid one day and hit another kid the next. I went to the doctor yesterday. He told me to massage my lip 3 times a day. Yeah like I`ll really do that. I had a weird dream the other night. Was a couple guys in it. One young , one older. I was in some fancy old house. Some guys were riding horses, they had on breeches. I think I was driving around and got lost. I have a hummingbird coming to the feeder by the kitchen all week. It`s so cute. It perches on the sunflower spinner. Krystal came over today and told me some crazy stuff about where she works. Well guess thats all for now.

Today is Danny`s 19th birthday. It`s hard to believe he is 19. Seems like yesterday he was born. It`s been a long strange trip so far , lol. He is my sweetheart though. Amy is taking him to the mall later to ride the carousal. He loves the mall.
Mom fell yeterday walking Mazie and cracked her pelvis. I drove her to hospital. Sue came up there too. Of course Terry was out fishing. We called him on his cell phone and he came home. He said she keeps getting out of bed. Oh well at least it has slowed her down some.It just never ends. Always something. Well at least it isn`t dull.

It has been to crazy to try and write this week. I will be so glad when Tommy goes back to Ga. I love him but he drives me crazy !!! I don`t even know where to start. Ok he got busted on his birthday. He went to Charlie(the lawyer) was supposed to call him Thursday and do a day in jail before he went back to Ga. Well he called Thursday didn`t get an answer, didn`t leave a message. Charlie went out of town. Now he will have to come back to do his day. He got drunk one night and puked all over my bathroom. He lost 2 hubcaps off the car. And to top it off last night got in a wreck. Now he can`t understand why I am so upset and won`t let him drive my car. I will be so glad when he is gone. They found the suburban. Of course it isn`t legal cause Tommy never transfered the title and all that. So its sitting in impound and he has no money to get it out. I just want to scream.